Christmas and my Dad

December 24th is getting closer and closer. When I was a kid Christmas eve was the greatest ever. We would go to church, and then come home and all us kids got to sleep in hay on the living room floor. On Christmas morning, we had to wait for everyone to get up before we could unwrap presents and dig through our stockings.. My dad was always the last one up, so we would go and jump on the bed to try and wake him up..
As I have gotten older, the magic Christmas eve once held has started to wear off.. I still love Christmas and decorating and everything, but its not the same as when I was a kid.
This year I am actually dreading that day.. You see, Christmas eve is not only the day where I use to sleep in hay and try to stay awake all night for Santa to come, it is also the day my father was born.. I know my dad is someplace better, where he is not in pain anymore, but I still miss him. I have his poetry cd on my ipod, I have just gotten to the point where I don't skip over his stuff anymore.. It was too painful to hear his voice for the longest time.. and now one of my favorite holiday's is going to be sad instead of happy.. I know I should just go on like I use to, that's what he would want, but its hard. I got to thinking about the family members that send Christmas cards my way, and I will be getting one less this year.. I won't be receiving a card from my dad this year. Not a card or a phone call..
I hope everyone else out there can enjoy their Christmas.. I will do my best. After all I do have a new man in my life and this will be our first Christmas together. Guess I will just have to make some new memories..

Angel rip off?

OK, So there is a new show starting this fall (next Friday to be exact) called Moonlight. Its about a Vampire turned good in L.A. California, who is a private detective. Sound familiar anyone? It should! A good vampire in L.A. who is a private detective, hmm.. yeah that's been done before, a show called Angel. I saw the preview for this show last night and was completely upset by it. I know people copy other shows, like all the law and crime shows, but come on seriously? You just can't copy Angel! I know any die hard fan of the Buffy/Angel series would love to see either on of those shows come back, but I don't think they would appreciate a copy cat show. I say this show should be boycotted! Don't watch it! OK I'm done now...

Birthday!

Yesterday, I turned 25. My wonderful boyfriend surprised me with a gorgeous bouquet of flowers and a gift card to a bookstore. We started the day with breakfast out and a trip to the mall to spend my gift card. We ended up at the build a bear store, where I got my birthday bear. His name is Harley. It was wonderful to spend the day with my boyfriend

Farewell to Harry Potter

I finished the last Harry Potter book today.. I don't want to say anything to spoil it for anyone else, but I was pleased with how she ended it..

It is sad to know that this was the last Harry Potter book. I have enjoyed the series very much.

Letter to my family

My sister and I had decided that we were not going to take any legal action against the woman my dad married and his will and what not. We were going to let her have it all in exchange for a few personal items. That was until she posted this letter on her myspace page. Its a letter to my family..
Letter to the Deedon family:
If you think I didn't actually marry him for Love, it is because you are limited in your comprehension! He wanted me to have everything, we argued I thought he should give more to his children! This is why there was no new will written. To be accused of being a gold digger only shows your own motives! If that were true coudn't I have had a much wealthier man? I am a beautiful intelligent woman, DUH! He died under Marlys's care, (think about it) She stole several thousands of dollars, Donn warned me about her greed, He paid her $500 a week to come take care of him!, I didn't want to beleive it! He thought Beverly was a white trash moron, he couldn't stand her insipid limited ability for thought. I tried very hard to be kind. As for Glenn, you left your brother to die alone, obviously you "career" as a truck driver was much more important, He knew this, and realized what Marilyn went through when de was a truck driver. Oh and for your information he would have NEVER shared ME! All those siblings and children and he was left to die alone, I am shocked at this!Then you turn on me? You people couldn't even comprehend him, what he beleived in or what he stood for! I would do all that I can for his children. period end of issue! You fucked up shallow Deedons can go to hell! He is the only one that made me proud to have his name! To cut me from the family website, when he passed away shows your own shallowness! I hope you all rot in hell! I wish the best for his daughters though let me make that perfectly clear!

So, now were not sure what to do. My sister and I were both at a loss for words when we read this. I know most of what is in this letter is untrue. I'm sure its all untrue, I just don't know all the facts for some of it. Just about every other line she contradicts what she said in the line before. It was very upsetting to read..

6 months

Ok, so I know I don't update my blog very much anymore.. I have the time, I guess just don't wanna.
So anyways, This month marks 6 months for boyfriend and I. Neither one of us knows the exact date.. All I know is I met him on New Years Eve. So, I just go by that.. I can't believ its been 6 months already. Time is going by so fast. Well thats all I have for now. Tootles!

Fathers Day

Fathers day is fast approaching and all I can think about is what to get my Daddy for fathers day. I want my daddy back.
The last time I saw my dad was last summer. I was only able to spend a week with him before I had to get back for work. We would take walks around his house at night and he would point out all the constellations to me. I can't remember what they are..
I feel like I'm losing bits and pieces of him everyday and I don't want to forget him. I was able to get my dad's flute which meant so much to him. I found it the other day buried under clothes on my bedroom floor. I know I'll never play his flute, I have my own, but I don't want it to be lost either. I started a scrapbook dedicated to my dad. I stopped working on it not long after I started it. I didn't know what else to put in it. I had maybe 2 pages of it done. I want to finish it so I can have something to show my kids. So they can know who there grandfather was.
Its funny, I always forgot fathers day in the past, and now I can't stop thinking about it.. The last gift I got him, I picked up at a greyhound bus station on my way out to see him. This was towards the end of July. I didn't remember until I saw the clearance items from Fathers Day.. He was so proud of that gift too. My aunt said that every time she went over to see him, he would show her and proudly say " This is what Becca got me for Fathers Day." It was a plaque that said " A Father offers shelter from the winds of life."

Pictures

I meant to post this picture awhile ago, but kept forgetting. This is My sissy, my twin, and one of my brothers and I at my Dad's service.

I've decided that I need to get over whatever it is that is keeping me from writing and start keeping up with my blog again. I was just reading past entry's and I know I'm not the greatest writer ever, but I do like trying and sharing interesting or funny story's from the past or well present too I guess. When I first started this blog I wrote a lot about my adventures in 4Th grade, then on to some high school days. Now, my job is not as interesting. I am the resident manager at a self storage facility. I was given the title resident manager probably because I'm the only one who works here. My boss lives in Florida. Its not a bad job really.. gets boring sometimes, but that's what books are for.. Which is good, cause I don't read near as much as I did back in my school job days. I miss reading. I've been on a Nicholas Sparks kick lately. I think I've read just about every book he has written. Right now though I'm reading the 5Th Harry Potter book, so it will be fresh in my mind when I see the movie in July. Anyways, I should probably get back to work.. Tootles!

Memphis in May

We didn't get to see any of the bands we wanted to. Sat when we got there we started drinking and it was really hot out. So heat and lots of liquor not a good mix. By 9 I was feeling really icky. By 10:30 boyfriend was feeling really icky and so we left. The one band that boyfriend wanted to see came on at 10:50. We almost made it.. We were going to go back Sunday (we got a hotel room so we wouldn't have to drive home) but we were both still feeling a bit under the weather. But we had fun. I know I had fun just being able to spend time with him. Ohh I almost forgot, I met his mom a few weeks ago. I was approved of =) Guess I'm the first girl he's had meet mom. Kinda cool I guess.. but yeah anyways that's all.

Tribute Site

A friend of my dads set up a tribute site for him. I'm amazed at how many lives my father touched. Everyday I find someone new who knew him.. Here is a link to that site: Deedon Tribute The guy who set this site up did a wonderfull job! When I saw it I just cried and cried. I know he is gone, but I still expect to get a call from him any day now to see how I'm doing. And I know in a way he is still here watching over me and what not, but its not the same.. I want my daddy back

Arizona

Its been a long and stressful few days.. My dads service was held Friday. I flew into Dallas Thursday, where I met my sister in the airport bar. We were able to fly into Phoenix together.
It was hard being at my dads house and going through his stuff. At one point my sister and I broke down crying in my dad's closet. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to deal with everything..
It was a very emotional and trying time. On the flight into Dallas I couldn't stop crying. It was good, though, to see family members. My sis and i spent the weekend eating chinese food and getting drunk..

A Poem

My Father

I sit here trying to come up
with something awesome and wonderful
to say about my father. It's not hard,
for he was a great man, loved by many.
But it was not exactly easy either.
He was not always there growing up,
but he sure did try to make up for it.

He is no longer seen in our world,
yet he still walks among us.
His words will forever
touch our hearts and souls

You gave me life, and your big feet.
Not to mention your height.
Our time to say goodbye came to quickly
but I must say,
My father you will always be.
no matter where,
I know you will always look out for me.
I love you Daddy!

A Passing

December 24, 1939 - March 26, 2007

My Father passed away yesterday. It doesn't feel real. I don't know what I'm suppose to do, or how to feel. I just know it hurts alot, and I feel lost. It was too soon. All I can think about is how He made me promise he could wakl me down the isle, and now he can't. I promised him he could see his grandkids whenever he wanted, and I never had any for him to see. He was a great man, and I never took the time to get to know him more. The last time I talked to him, I was in such a hurry. If only I knew then that it would be the last time I would ever talk to him, I would of made more time.

Bad News

So shortly after my last post I got a phone call from my mom. She did not have good news. My father is not doing so well. He has not told us the truth about his health. In October when we found out about his colon cancer, he failed to mention that the cancer had spread into his chest, bowels and lymphnods(sp?).He has refused all treatment. The Doctor told him in February that he should go into hospice care. My Father refused that as well. I was told he has a few days to a few weeks, maybe a few months at best. But he is not at his best. He is getting weaker and losing so much weight. he can't hold a conversation over 2 min, if that. My Daddy is dying. I don't know what I'm suppose to do. I know I don't want to be there right now. i don't want my last memory of my Father to be him dying.. but I feel like I should be there, or something.. I don't know..

Love and a present

OK, So I have a couple things to write about.. First, Boyfriend bought me a present "just because". He got me an ipod nano. Its the perfect gift, really. Which means he has payed attention to my obsession to music. The second thing I have to write about is really big.. He told me on Tuesday afternoon that he loves me and has been falling in love with me since the day we met. It was really cute, later that night after we got home from hanging out with some friends, he looked at me and said " I'm going to give you some advice wither you like it or not. Becca I love you and you will marry me someday, you just don't know it yet.." He also told me that he was jealous of the fact that I have loved another man (I'm the first girl he has ever said those words to..). I told him that everything that I have felt in the past does not even come close to comparing to the way I feel right now. I'm actually scared to say it, but I do love you. I couldn't say it for the longest time after he said it to me. My tummy was all fluttery. He makes me so happy. What I'm feeling scares me a bit, but yet I'm filled with this feeling of peace. Does that make any sense? Anyways, that's all for now. Tootles!

A Wedding

OOh I forgot to mention my dad getting married. Yeah. I'm still not over the shock of it! I have a step mom. I'm 24 and just got a step mom. My dad dated this woman when I was like 12. I remember meeting her once. I don't know what happened to their relationship back then. About a month ago, she contacted my dad via e-mail. They started exchanging e-mails and then phone calls and then she came down to visit. In the first week hat she was there, she asked my dad to marry her. The next week they were married. If your thinking that that's a bit to fast, your not the only one! My dad's health is not so good. He was in the hospital when she proposed. Why? is a good question too. My dad is not wealthy by any means so why did she rush them getting married? Why did she propose to him at all? they had only been talking for 2 weeks or so when she came down for a visit. Yeah, I'm still not over the shock factor of it all.

Road Trip

Ok, well I don't have anything new to add.. I'm suppose to be cleaning my room, and don't want to, so I figured I could write something.. I guess I can write more details about my short trip cross country. Well, I left here pretty late it like 10:30 when I finally hit the road. Its like 8 or 9 hours to dallas from where I live. I was making good time though. It was about 4 when I pulled over in Sulpher Springs. I only had 80 more miles to go. When the tow truck guy got to me it was a little after 5 and the shop was closed for the night so I had to stay in Sulper Springs. The tow truck guy took me to a motel and then dove off with my truck. I had like 52 dollars left and the motel room was 52 dollars.. So I had nothing left. My mom freaked out and called the motel to see if she could put it on her credit card and give me my cash back. The guy was really nice and I was able to get my money back. Let me tell you about this motel.. There were people coming and going all night long and there was free porn on the T.V. I found incense sticks in one of the drawers. Thats how crappy this place was.. So the next morning the shop people came and got me around 11:30. They said my truck was fixed. When I drove out of that place it still sounded like it did when I pulled over the day before. So I really don't think they did anything to it.. I headed to Dallas and got there around 1 or so, after geting lost a few times. My sister and I were going to head out that night, but she was worried about the noise my truck was making, so she had her boyfriends mechanic look at it. He said don't drive it. It is very dangerous. He was going to come back the next day to see if he could fix it. My mom was rather upset when we told her we would be leaving the next day. She had our whole trip planned out for us.. When we called our dad to tell him we were delayed a bit he was just like " ok. You gonna be here by friday?" My parents are nothing alike! Dad was all la de da and mom was Uh SIGH. You could hear her aggitation in her sigh. Great fun really. But the next day when the mechanic came back and told us there was too much damage or whatever mom got a little better, cuz now she knew there was nothing we could do about it. So yeah my truck is gone and now I have no car.. On thursday my sister drove me back to Arkansas. We stayed in Little Rock for the night and got to Blytheville aroung 6 friday night. I had a good time with my sis and hopefully someday we can have the road trip we planned! I bout 4 disposable cameras to use on our trip. I don't know what to do with them now.. I brought one to St. Louis, but ended up only taking one picture of the Arch. Well anyways, I better go get a move on cleaning my room..

Tattoo's and a New Man

Here is a pic of my tattoo. Its on my lower back. I really like it! So anyways.. I guess I should write about my new man. We met on new years eve. He is really sweet and kind. And of course really cute! He is 6 years older than me. He works for a steel mill out here and he was in the Navy for awhile.. He took me to St. Louis over the weekend. That is where he is from. He showed me around, like where he grew up and where he went to school.. It was fun just spending time with him. It was so cute.. He had dropped me off at David's house around 4ish sunday and not even three hours later he came back to pick me up cuz he missed me.. I really like him alot. He told me that the guys he works with are saying we will be married by june 12th. I saw david's mom for a few minutes today and she had asked if we set a date yet.. I just love spending time with him. We don't have to be doing anything special.. just hanging out together is good.. Anyways thats all I have time for now..

Death of a truck

Ok, So its been awhile since I last posted.. Lots to tell.. Uh, first off, I didn't make it to Oregon.. My truck broke down in Sulpher springs Texas. I had to stay a night there and was back on the road the next day. I don't know what they did, but they did not fix it in Sulpher Springs. I was told I was lucky to make it the 80 miles to Dallas. So that is where my truck is, Dallas.. My sister had a guy look at it and well pretty much it would of cost way to much for me to fix. The guy offered me 200 for it and its his now.. I got back into Arkansas on friday. My sis drove me back. Ohh and I got a tattoo while I was in Dallas. I'll write more later.. I'm not feeling too good right now..

New Years and a new man

OK, so update.. I went to that new years party and well, I was the only one who showed up. So we decided to go out to the bar. Once there my friends husbands friends joined us. One of them spent all night talking to me and that's who I got my new years kiss from. We exchanged phone numbers and since then we have been seeing each other quite regularly. He is really sweet and such a gentleman. I was upfront with him about me moving next month, but I think I'm going to end up breaking his heart and mine ( yes I know I sound like a silly boy crazy little girl, but I have gotten over Leigh for the most part, and am ready to move on.. I think). I think I' starting to fall for this guy, but I'm not staying here! This happens every time I plan to move. Some guy comes along and sweeps me off my feet and I think, well maybe, and end up staying. Not this time. I need to get out of the south and be back where I belong with all the hippie nature loving freaks. I'm so ready to be out of here. I've got almost all my stuff moved up to David's and am down to only working at the video store. I guess that's all for now.