Thursday, March 29, 2007

A Poem

My Father

I sit here trying to come up
with something awesome and wonderful
to say about my father. It's not hard,
for he was a great man, loved by many.
But it was not exactly easy either.
He was not always there growing up,
but he sure did try to make up for it.

He is no longer seen in our world,
yet he still walks among us.
His words will forever
touch our hearts and souls

You gave me life, and your big feet.
Not to mention your height.
Our time to say goodbye came to quickly
but I must say,
My father you will always be.
no matter where,
I know you will always look out for me.
I love you Daddy!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

A Passing

December 24, 1939 - March 26, 2007

My Father passed away yesterday. It doesn't feel real. I don't know what I'm suppose to do, or how to feel. I just know it hurts alot, and I feel lost. It was too soon. All I can think about is how He made me promise he could wakl me down the isle, and now he can't. I promised him he could see his grandkids whenever he wanted, and I never had any for him to see. He was a great man, and I never took the time to get to know him more. The last time I talked to him, I was in such a hurry. If only I knew then that it would be the last time I would ever talk to him, I would of made more time.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Bad News

So shortly after my last post I got a phone call from my mom. She did not have good news. My father is not doing so well. He has not told us the truth about his health. In October when we found out about his colon cancer, he failed to mention that the cancer had spread into his chest, bowels and lymphnods(sp?).He has refused all treatment. The Doctor told him in February that he should go into hospice care. My Father refused that as well. I was told he has a few days to a few weeks, maybe a few months at best. But he is not at his best. He is getting weaker and losing so much weight. he can't hold a conversation over 2 min, if that. My Daddy is dying. I don't know what I'm suppose to do. I know I don't want to be there right now. i don't want my last memory of my Father to be him dying.. but I feel like I should be there, or something.. I don't know..

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Love and a present

OK, So I have a couple things to write about.. First, Boyfriend bought me a present "just because". He got me an ipod nano. Its the perfect gift, really. Which means he has payed attention to my obsession to music. The second thing I have to write about is really big.. He told me on Tuesday afternoon that he loves me and has been falling in love with me since the day we met. It was really cute, later that night after we got home from hanging out with some friends, he looked at me and said " I'm going to give you some advice wither you like it or not. Becca I love you and you will marry me someday, you just don't know it yet.." He also told me that he was jealous of the fact that I have loved another man (I'm the first girl he has ever said those words to..). I told him that everything that I have felt in the past does not even come close to comparing to the way I feel right now. I'm actually scared to say it, but I do love you. I couldn't say it for the longest time after he said it to me. My tummy was all fluttery. He makes me so happy. What I'm feeling scares me a bit, but yet I'm filled with this feeling of peace. Does that make any sense? Anyways, that's all for now. Tootles!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

A Wedding

OOh I forgot to mention my dad getting married. Yeah. I'm still not over the shock of it! I have a step mom. I'm 24 and just got a step mom. My dad dated this woman when I was like 12. I remember meeting her once. I don't know what happened to their relationship back then. About a month ago, she contacted my dad via e-mail. They started exchanging e-mails and then phone calls and then she came down to visit. In the first week hat she was there, she asked my dad to marry her. The next week they were married. If your thinking that that's a bit to fast, your not the only one! My dad's health is not so good. He was in the hospital when she proposed. Why? is a good question too. My dad is not wealthy by any means so why did she rush them getting married? Why did she propose to him at all? they had only been talking for 2 weeks or so when she came down for a visit. Yeah, I'm still not over the shock factor of it all.

Road Trip

Ok, well I don't have anything new to add.. I'm suppose to be cleaning my room, and don't want to, so I figured I could write something.. I guess I can write more details about my short trip cross country. Well, I left here pretty late it like 10:30 when I finally hit the road. Its like 8 or 9 hours to dallas from where I live. I was making good time though. It was about 4 when I pulled over in Sulpher Springs. I only had 80 more miles to go. When the tow truck guy got to me it was a little after 5 and the shop was closed for the night so I had to stay in Sulper Springs. The tow truck guy took me to a motel and then dove off with my truck. I had like 52 dollars left and the motel room was 52 dollars.. So I had nothing left. My mom freaked out and called the motel to see if she could put it on her credit card and give me my cash back. The guy was really nice and I was able to get my money back. Let me tell you about this motel.. There were people coming and going all night long and there was free porn on the T.V. I found incense sticks in one of the drawers. Thats how crappy this place was.. So the next morning the shop people came and got me around 11:30. They said my truck was fixed. When I drove out of that place it still sounded like it did when I pulled over the day before. So I really don't think they did anything to it.. I headed to Dallas and got there around 1 or so, after geting lost a few times. My sister and I were going to head out that night, but she was worried about the noise my truck was making, so she had her boyfriends mechanic look at it. He said don't drive it. It is very dangerous. He was going to come back the next day to see if he could fix it. My mom was rather upset when we told her we would be leaving the next day. She had our whole trip planned out for us.. When we called our dad to tell him we were delayed a bit he was just like " ok. You gonna be here by friday?" My parents are nothing alike! Dad was all la de da and mom was Uh SIGH. You could hear her aggitation in her sigh. Great fun really. But the next day when the mechanic came back and told us there was too much damage or whatever mom got a little better, cuz now she knew there was nothing we could do about it. So yeah my truck is gone and now I have no car.. On thursday my sister drove me back to Arkansas. We stayed in Little Rock for the night and got to Blytheville aroung 6 friday night. I had a good time with my sis and hopefully someday we can have the road trip we planned! I bout 4 disposable cameras to use on our trip. I don't know what to do with them now.. I brought one to St. Louis, but ended up only taking one picture of the Arch. Well anyways, I better go get a move on cleaning my room..