Deaf School

Well, hello all! I'm writing from the dorm at Deaf School. This is our last week here, and I really wish I could just keep coming back for the summer! I have been able to keep my mind occupied during the weeks. Its been fun as well. I have finally been able to have some what of a conversation with Donald ( the cute guy that works in the boys dorm). Tomorrow will be the last day I get to work with him. Anyways that's all for now.

Summer Camp

Well, the first week of summer camp went great. I picked up a lot more signs and by the end of the week was more open about signing while speaking. I think my kid picked up a few more signs as well. I know he had a blast. We both did! There was this little boy there, his name is Umer, He was such a cutie! He was always walking around with this scowl on his face, so when he would look at me I would tell him to smile and he would say no, but in the end I would bug him enough to get a smile out of him. There was also this guy named Donald. He works in the dorm (watches over the boys for most of the day and evenings). When I first met him I thought oh wow, he's really kinda cute. But then I thought there's no way he would ever like me. I wouldn't be able to hold a conversation with him( he's deaf). So I spent most of my week drooling over Donald. I'll try to keep updating during the week. I found out there is a computer in the dorms I can use.

Last days of school

It is so hot outside! We are having a field day. The school rented a bunch of those moon bounce things. We had one that is a maze, then there was an obstacle course and a slide and of course the classic moon bounce.. We have been outside all day! It's like 90 something degrees out there. I think all the kids are melting. They are all ready to go inside. There are still a few trying to beat the heat and keep playing, but most have found a shady spot to sit in. I think I burnt my shoulders. I would of worn shorts today, but I didn't think I should scare the children(I have not shaved in like a month..). So yeah, it's been great fun today. Tomorrow is our last day of school. 2 weeks after that I will be headed for summer camp. At least I have 2 weeks off before I have to go to camp! =) I just realized how sticky my hands are. The kids had freezer pops and I was cutting the ends off for them. The scissors got real sticky, thus, so did my hand. Anyways, that's all for now.

Memories

I was talking to my mom the other day and we were discussing what my earliest memory was. I told here It was my oldest sister handcuffed to the piano. I also remember playing hide and go seek with her and not being able to find her, because she ran away. I told here, no wonder I turned out the way I did. That's some traumatizing stuff for a kid. I couldn't of been more than 5 or 6 at the time.. There is so much of my child hood that I have blocked out. Some of the things I do remember, no one else does. I wanna say that I have some deep seeded issues, but really, they aren't that deep and I know the cause of all my issues. Rachel. Rachel is my twin sister. When we were 7 months old she got sick and ended up losing her hearing. So it was "Awe poor little deaf girl". I would get pushed aside. When we turned 8 she had a near drowning incident. The results from that were some brain damage and seizures. So she became the poor little deaf girl with seizures, and as for me I got pushed aside even further. By the time I reached middle school, I really had a lot of resentment towards her. My mom had tried to have a special day once a month with me but that didn't last very long. During my 8th grade year my sister became very violent with her behavior. She would try to beat the shit out of us if she didn't get what she wanted. Most of the time I stepped in and took all the beatings for my mom. I realized at one point during that time, that I had made many wishes to take away every thing that was wrong with Rachel and have it put on me instead. I would say to myself, "Why couldn't I be Rachel". Towards the end of middle school and for all of my high school years my mom was never there. She went back to school. Most of the time I would end up walking home from school because my mother would forget about picking me up, or forget about giving my bus money. I didn't like my mom back then. She would never let me go anywhere or do anything. She would accuse me of doing all kinds of things. Finally I started to do them. I skipped most of my 9th grade year. For 10th grade my mom sent me to a private school. I hated her for that. She took me away from all my friends again. She kept thinking I was going to end up like my older brother and sister. She didn't trust me. I hated that. I didn't do anything to bad. Except for the skipping school thing I hadn't done anything to make her not trust me. Oh gosh, I'm sorry for going on like this, I forgot what it was I had started to talk about before all this came out. I was in a good mood early, then all of a sudden I just started wanting to cry. There's just a lot going on right now. Last week of school, and stuff in my home life. It's stressful..